The Longest Day
by The Infiniator
Summary: The fate of the entire universe hangs in the balance as Jack Bauer embarks on an epic quest to destroy Chuck Norris and end their long-time rivalry. Expect to see your favorite Jack Bauer jokes come to life. **Lost/Prison Break/Heroes & more.**
1. 10:00 AM To 11:00 AM

**X  
**

**THE LONGEST DAY**

**By The Infiniator**

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**Disclaimer: **

Besides Jack Bauer and other 24 characters, many other characters from different shows and films will make appearances in this story. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, and I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this story. All rights reserved.

**Author's Note:**

I was inspired to write this story after spending nearly an hour searching through _24 _stories looking for a decent fanfiction. But my efforts proved to be in vain because all I could find were love stories. Love story after love story. Jesus, it's enough to drive someone insane. This is _24 _people not a soap opera. Of course there's love and relationships, and I know that they're an important part of the show, but enough is enough. So I put this together for anyone who's a fan of _24, _Jack Bauer, or both, or just wants to see Chuck Norris get his ass handed to him. Enjoy.

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**THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 A.M. AND 11:00 A.M.**

**EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME (BUT NOT REALLY).**

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**Miami, FL**

Lines had long since begun to form at each of the registers in the busy department store, but this did not seem to bother the three teenage boys arguing in the loading dock area. The heated exchange of words was well into its second hour, when finally it seemed as if the youngest of the three, a boy whose name tag read "Virgil," seemed to be losing his confidence.

"The guy has literally died for his country and lived to tell about it!" exclaimed Virgil. "I mean it takes the average person close to five months to watch what this guy does in a single day."

"Please," replied Henry, the oldest of the three. "The show is fucking ridiculous."

"I know," added the third boy, Marcus. "You're gonna tell me that this guy single-handedly ends the threat in each season, and he just so happens to do it each time in exactly 24 hours? Get the fuck out of here."

"He doesn't do it all on his own, even though he could if he wanted to," explained Virgil. "He has CTU backing him up. Chloe gives him schematics and shit, and there's always something going on with the President."

"Kiefer Sutherland's acting sucks. Why do you think you never see him in movies?"

Virgil was appalled. "What the fuck? He won an Emmy for best actor during the fifth season! You're full of shit! And just so you know, when Jack Bauer found out he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, he killed him. Jack Bauer gets played by no one."

"Stupid," said Henry.

"Listen," said Marcus, "Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird."

"Yeah, not to mention that if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris still has more money than you do," added Henry.

"Additional cashiers needed at the registers. Additional cashiers needed at the registers." The message relayed over the P.A. system but none of the three seemed to care.

"Well Jack sleeps with a pillow under his gun," countered Virgil. "And you know Professor Charles Xavier from the X-Men? He once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's in a wheelchair."

"Those are probably Norris jokes people stole and used as Bauer jokes," declared Henry.

"Really? But I thought Chuck Norris doesn't need a gun?" said Virgil quickly.

"Well, maybe not that o-"

"Yeah, exactly. Shut the fuck up."

Henry just chuckled. "Regardless of all the Jack Bauer jokes there are, the guy sucks and that's it. It's all about Chuck Norris. No one even knows who Bauer is. Most of the jokes about him are stolen Norris jokes, and he's been around way longer than Bauer. If Texas Ranger and Federal Agent were to meet, Norris would roundhouse kick the shit out of Bauer.

By this point Virgil was fuming. "You're pissing me off."

The other two just scoffed. "What the hell man? You're getting mad over a fictional character dude. It's not like Bauer actually exis-"

A deafening explosion from the front of the store rocked the entire building, knocking the three of them to the ground. Racks of stored merchandise fell to the ground as well, littering the entire room.

"What the hell was that?" exclaimed Henry.

Marcus was still reeling from the jolt. "I . . . . don't know."

Virgil rose to his feet quickly and jogged over to the swinging door. Sticking his head out to see what had caused the disturbance, Virgil gasped instantly.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Virgil, waving the other two over.

Marcus and Henry exchanged confused looks before moving to see for themselves. The entire front of the store had been completely destroyed. The glass windows were all shattered, fixtures and displays were burnt to a crisp, and cash registers were sprawled all over the place. Some people were still on the ground, others were screaming in fear, and others still were already shoplifting.

"What the hell happened?" asked Marcus, a look of incredulity upon his face.

But Virgil was already on the move. He ran towards the front of the store to ascertain the damage more closely. As he did, however, the sound of screeching tires caught his ears. A moment later, two UPS vans, painted entirely in black, burst through the front of the store, coming to an abrupt stop only ten feet from Virgil.

The back doors of both vehicles swung open and six armed men attired entirely in green, yellow, and orange jumpsuits, jumped out, each armed with AK-47s.

"Nobody move!" yelled the lead terrorist in a foreign accent. "You are now hostages of the People's Republic of Ethiopia! Failure to comply with our demands will result in ser-"

He was cut off however as a single bullet pierced his face. The other terrorists raised their weapons, but two of them fell to the ground instantly, both with their throats slit. The remaining three were baffled, as was Virgil. They fired wildly, forcing Virgil to retreat behind a shelf of clothes. That's when Virgil saw him.

Running at full-speed across the women's clothing section was none other than Jack Bauer himself, a look of stern determination across his face. One terrorist noticed him, but not soon enough. Jack twisted the man's wrist, causing the weapon to fall from his hand, and then proceeded to headbutt him with such force, that the terrorist's face literally shattered into pieces. Jack's forehead, although having just annihilated a man's face, remained perfectly clean.

Tossing the terrorist aside with relative ease, Jack walked over to the second man, twisted his arm a full 360 degrees, and then proceeded to force the man to swallow it.

As this was happening, the final terrorist began firing at Jack, but the rounds seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. In fact, it was as if the bullets weren't even making contact with his body, even though they clearly were. The terrorist who's arm Jack had twisted had already swallowed just passed his elbow. Jack left him standing there in agony, and, still somehow deflecting gunfire, kicked one of the cash registers on the ground in the direction of the last terrorist. It exploded on impact, with a blast radius of nearly twenty feet. Miraculously, none of the hostages consumed in the blast were, Jack looked back at the terrorist who was now choking on his own arm. Blinking once, a bullet fired from seemingly nowhere and caught the man between his eyes.

All six terrorists were neutralized within a span of three seconds.

"Is everyone alright?" asked Jack.

Everyone nodded and cheered as police, SWAT, and medical personnel rushed onto the scene.

Jack walked over to where Virgil was hiding and extended his arm. "You okay, kid?"

Virgil was speechless. "You're Jack Bau . . . . but how . . . ?"

"That's right," declared Jack. "Jack Bauer, CTU."

"This is . . . . fucking incredible!" exclaimed Virgil, accepting Jack hand.

"When I'm involved it sometimes is," answered Jack. "And by sometimes I mean always."

"But you're a television character. How are you here right now?"

Jack seemed puzzled. "I don't understand the question."

Virgil thought to himself for a second before speaking again. "Wait, you're unarmed."

"Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring."

Virgil was confused. "How did you shoot the first guy, and slit the other two's throats if you don't have a knife or a gun?"

"I don't understand that question either."

"Nevermind," said Virgil. "How did you know there was going to be a terrorist attack here?"

"Well first off, I'm Jack Bauer. Second, I didn't know."

"So it's just a coincidence that you're here?"

Jack surveyed the room. "I sensed that someone at this store was bad mouthing me so I came to destroy them. It just so happened that an Ethiopian terrorist cell had targeted this store," explained Jack. "Now, what do you know about Chuck Norris?"

"Um, he's a famous martial artist and actor," answered Virgil. "Why?"

"I must find him and infiniate him."

"_Infiniate_? What does that mean?"

Jack chuckled. "I made it up. It's basically a combination of the definitions of annihilate, devastate, obliterate, and all those other words that mean "to destroy."

"Wow, that's pretty sweet," stated Virgil.

Jack nodded. "You're damn right it is. And in case you're wondering, yes, if I wanted to I could easily teleport to where Chuck Norris is and save myself an entire day, but then there would be no story for the readers to enjoy. Plus I've got a thing for beginning and ending things in exactly 24 hours."

"I understand," said Virgil, nodding. "When you say teleport, you mean like Goku's instant transmission from Dragonball Z?"

"Uh huh," said Jack. "Only mine's better. Now, let's get moving. We've got to find Norris by the end of today."

"Wait, you want _me_ to go with _you_?" asked Virgil, perplexed.

"Yeah, why not?"

Virgil was overwhelmed. "Sweet. But what about the guys that were bad mouthing you?"

"You mean you're friends Henry and Marcus? I already took care of them."

"Wha-? How? When?"

Jack pointed at himself with his thumb. "I'm Jack Bauer."

Virgil grinned. "Right, sorry. But one last thing. This chapter is titled 10:00a.m. - 11:00a.m. But it's only been about ten minutes."

Jack returned Virgil's grin. "Time doesn't apply to me. If I say an hour has passed, then an hour has passed."

"Right, got it."

"Now, let's get moving" declared Jack. "We've got a hell of a day ahead of us."

**10:59:57**

**10:59:58**

**10:59:59**

**11:00:00**

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**Author's Note:**

Well, hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter. I know it's a little short, but I wanna wait for your feedback before I decide to continue. If I do, you can expect chapters to be a lot longer than this one. So please, you comments and thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

One last thing, as I mentioned in the disclaimer, I'm planning on having Jack square off against other television show characters. I've got a few already in mind, but knowing what you guys would like to see would really help. So if you comment, feel free to suggest!


	2. 11:00 AM To 12:00 PM

**X  
**

**THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 A.M. AND 12:00 P.M.**

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**Miami, FL**

Exiting the department store, Jack led Virgil across the parking lot, where a black Chevy Suburban was parked. The license plate read IKIL4CTU.

"Whoa," exclaimed Virgil. "Is that a tactical vehicle?"

"Yup. It's the only way I travel. Besides teleportation and flying, of course. Hop in."

"I've always wanted to ride in one of these."

The duo entered the vehicle and a few minutes later they were cruising down the freeway.

"So, how exactly are we gonna find Chuck Norris anyway?" asked Virgil.

"Simple," replied Jack, pulling a cellphone from his jacket pocket. "I'll have CTU run his name through their database."

Another pause as they waited for Jack's call to be answered. When it was, Jack placed the phone into the speaker port under the dashboard.

"CTU, O'Brian" answered a female voice.

Virgil recognized the voice instantly. Looking at Jack, he mouthed "Chloe?"

Jack nodded. "Chloe, it's Jack."

She sounded confused. "Jack? Where are you?"

"I'm in Miami," responded Jack. "We've got a situation here and I need your help. Are you busy?"

"Not at all," answered Chloe. "How can I help?"

"I need you to run a search on someone."

Keyboard typing could be heard from the other end of the call. "Name?"

Jack glanced over at Virgil before he answered her. "Chuck Norris."

"Hang on a second . . . . there. Okay, Carlos Ray Norris, born March 10, 1940, is an American martial artist, action star, and a television and film actor. He is most prominently known for action roles such as Cordell Walker on Walker Texas Ranger and for his iconic tough image and roundhouse kick."

Jack grumbled. "Got it, he's good but not better than me. Where can I find him?"

More typing, this time much faster. "That's strange."

"What?"

"There's no information on his current whereabouts. It's like he just vanished from one second to another."

"Dammit," muttered Jack. He turned to Virgil. "You just had the privilege of seeing and hearing me say 'dammit' in person. You should feel honored."

Virgil grinned. "It was spellbinding."

"I know," said Jack. "I was there."

"Who's that with you, Jack?" asked Chloe.

"A civilian I brought along. His name is Virgil. You'll meet him soon. Now, does Norris have any known associates? Someone who might know where he is or how to find him?"

"Nothing."

Jack blinked three times, muttered something to himself then asked, "What about now?"

"Here we go. About a year ago, actor Vin Diesel challenged Chuck Norris to see which of them was better."

"Vin Diesel?" asked a puzzled Virgil.

"Yeah," said Chloe. "Apparently the two of them have had some bad blood for years."

"What happened?" asked Jack.

"Norris destroyed him," explained Chloe. "He left Diesel in a vegetative state for almost two years."

Jack scratched his chin. "And how does this help us?"

"Well, that battle was the last time anyone saw Chuck Norris in public. He disappeared the next day."

"So, you think this assclown by the name of Vin Diesel might know where Norris is?"

"It's the only lead we've got," said Chloe.

Jack nodded. "Alright. Where's Diesel now?"

"New York City. Since he recovered from Norris's beatdown four months ago, he's had to have an MRI periodically to make sure his brain is still functioning correctly. His next examination is in two days at a clinic in Manhattan. After that he's flying to L.A. to shoot his next big movie, the next _Fast And The Furious _film. You've got to get to him before he leaves New York."

"But wait," declared Virgil, suddenly. "This story is supposed to take place in a day. There's no way we'll make it to New York before then, let alone find and defeat Chuck Norris."

"Relax," said Jack. "You forget that time doesn't apply to me. We'll be fine," Jack said, reassuringly. "Chloe get back to me if you find out anything else."

"You got it Jack. Good luck . . . . both of you."

Jack ended the call and immediately floored the accelerator. "We'll be there in no time."

Virgil nodded. "Jack, I've always wanted to know something."

"Shoot."

"Out of all the enemies you've faced these past six seasons, which one do you hate the most?"

Jack scowled. "Marwan." He spoke the name with disgust.

Virgil was genuinely surprised. "Really? I'd have thought you'd have more hate towards Nina or Christopher Henderson."

"Well yeah, of course," said Jack. "But I got to kill both of them. Marwan, however, was a different story. The guy was a pain in my ass that entire day, not to mention that he got away from us like three times when we had him within our grasp. Then, at the end of the day, when I finally had him, he goes and throws himself off a building, denying me the pleasure of killing him myself. He cut my hand too."

"Yeah, that did suck," admitted Virgil. "I was hoping to see you take him down."

"But I'm not angry about it anymore because I'm getting another shot at him."

"What?" asked Virgil. "How?"

"I'm currently in negotiations with Satan to let me go down there and pay Marwan a little visit. And when I say "in negotiations," I mean that I gave him until the end of the week to make up his mind or else I'd make it for him."

"You've actually been to Hell before?" asked an incredulous Virgil. "You've met Satan?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, but the guy's a jerk. Every once in awhile I've got to put him in his place."

"You're like Constantine," Virgil pointed out.

"Right, but better."

Gunfire from the right interrupted their conversation.

"Look!" exclaimed Virgil. "That train's under attack!"

Traveling parallel to the highway they were currently on was an armored train speeding down the railroad. Men in teal colored jumpsuits could be seen killing the train's crew.

"We've gotta do something, Jack."

"Hang on."

Jack floored the accelerator and drove the SUV off the freeway towards the speeding train. One of the terrorists on the roof spotted them and opened fire.

"Dammit!" yelled Jack. "Virgil, here. Put this in your ear."

Virgil accepted the small object Jack placed in his hand. "A comm unit?" asked Virgil in disbelief.

"Yeah, now take the wheel."

Virgil did as he was told. "What are you gonna do?"

Jack gave Virgil a mischievous grin. "Rip some terrorists apart."

Jack opened the sunroof and squeezed his way out while Virgil slid into the driver's seat. Summoning the power of the Force, Jack deflected the enemy's fire. Reaching into his Jacket, he withdrew his handy Heckler and Koch USP Compact 9mm handgun and used it to dispatch the terrorist on the roof.

"Virgil, get me closer!"

Matching the train's speed, Virgil maneuvered the vehicle until it was mere feet from it. Jack hopped onto the roof and gave Virgil the okay to pull away. Turning, he examined the body of the terrorist he had just killed.

"They're Somalian," noted Jack.

"Jack, be careful," said Virgil.

"Don't need to be," answered Jack, lowering himself into the train car. "I'll be alright regardless if I'm careful or not."

The train car was empty, so Jack proceeded forward in the direction of the next one.

A voice from behind yelled something out in a foreign language.

Jack swirled around and put one in the gut of another terrorist who had been hiding. The man collapsed instantly, although the shot wasn't fatal.

Three more enemies appeared from the next car, firing automatic weapons wildly in Jack's direction. Jack allowed their shots to hit him in the chest then ate all three terrorists before taking the rounds out of his chest and using them to reload his own weapon. He quickly eliminated the men with their own bullets.

Turning, Jack walked over to the terrorist whom he had shot in the gut. The man was barely conscious. Jack grabbed the man by his shirt and thrust him against the wall.

"What's this all about?" asked Jack. "Why are you hijacking this train?"

The man spat in Jack's face and laughed. But his laughter subsided quickly when he noticed that Jack was smiling.

"You should know that withholding information from me is classified as a suicide attempt. Now, if you don't tell me what I wanna know RIGHT NOW!, I promise you I will eat your face with my knees."

"I don't think he speaks English, Jack," said Virgil over the comm.

"Torture sounds the same in every language, Virgil," replied Jack.

Jack gave the man a few more seconds to speak, and when he didn't, he began to slowly devour the man's face with both of his patella. The man began to yell in agony until he finally decided to end his suffering.

"This train is transporting biological weapons to a research facility," explained the terrorist in perfect English, although never having learned how to speak it in his entire life. "The boss plans to steal them and use them against the United States."

That's all Jack needed to hear. "There's only one thing I hate more than terrorists who use biological weapons against other countries and that's terrorists who use biological weapons against THIS country. MY country." Jack vaporized the man's intestinal tract and watched as he exploded from the inside.

"Did you catch all that, Virgil?" asked Jack.

"Yeah, Jack. They might as well have just called you for an ass-whooping while they were still planning this," replied Virgil. "You've gotta stop them."

"This situation is already diffused," said Jack. "I just haven't diffused it yet."

Jack entered the next car where he was greeted by over two dozen terrorists armed with automatic rifles. Jack didn't so much as flinch.

"You are all already dead," began Jack. "I just haven't killed you yet. I'll get to that in a moment. But before I do, I wanna know who your boss is. Not that it matters really because I'm just going to kill him anyway, but if I know who he is before I meet him I can begin mentally picturing myself killing him in different ways so that by the time I do meet him I won't have to think about it."

The terrorists kept their weapons trained on Jack, each of them staring at him with hatred.

"Alright then, if that's the way you want it." Jack sighed. "This is gonna happen one of two ways, and in both of them . . . . you all die." Jack paused to crack his knuckles. "In a moment you will cease to exist and will become one with this Earth as mildew and dirt."

And then it was over. Jack made his way through the now empty car and proceeded towards the front, clobbering and decimating the remaining terrorists. Before long, Jack was at the front of the train, and face-to-face with the terrorist leader himself, who was none other than Steven Seagal.

"Well well well. If it isn't Jack Bauer," declared Seagal with a sheepish grin on his face. "I've been expecting you."

"Steven Seagal," grunted Jack, unimpressed. "I thought I smelled the odor of epic failure in the air."

Seagal chuckled. "Oh, that was rude, Jack."

"I'm not being rude," countered Jack. "You're just extremely insignificant."

"Well that is about to change," declared Seagal. "

"So, Seagal, is it true?" asked Jack. "You're responsible for this?"

"That's right. I plan to use the bio-weapons aboard this train against the United States. What do you have to say about that?"

"You just made my naughty list," said Jack. "But before I incinerate you . . . ."

"Not likely."

". . . . Why are you doing this? Betraying your own country?"

Seagal's grin turned into a frown of disgust. "This country owes me. I've done so much for the United States and what have they done for me? Huh? NOTHING! To Hell with America."

Jack was fuming. "First off, the only thing you've ever contributed to this country is a sack of horse shit films chock full of terrible acting and poor choreography. I actually shot myself in the face after watching_ Half Past Dead_. But I can't die, so it didn't work out. Anyway, the only thing you've only ever succeeded at in the entirety of your worthless existence is reducing the amount of air supply on Earth. Air that could have been inhaled by people much more deserving of it."

Now it was Seagal who was fuming.

Jack continued his verbal assault. "You are the perfect example of what a waste of oxygen is. By terminating you now, I'm not only preventing a pathetic attempt at a terrorist attack on American soil, but I'm also ending a useless consumption of oxygen caused by you."

"You son of a-"

But Jack was on him before he could finish the sentence. They swapped blows for a few moments, the fight encompassing the entirety of the car. Before long, Jack punched a hole through Seagal's stomach, ripped his leg off, and threw him across the car.

Seagal crawled over to the train's control panel, and placed his hand over one of the buttons. "You . . . . may have stopped me . . . . Ba . . . . Bauer, but you can't stop this train from crashing with you and the bio-weapons along with it."

"Just so you know," stated Jack, "if I wanted to, I could end you before your finger ever even touches that button. But for dramatic purposes . . . . go ahead, press it."

Seagal pressed the button and then smashed the console. Almost immediately, the train began to pick up speed.

"Just so _you_ know, Jack, you haven't stopped this attack, you've just delayed it."

"You're pissing me off Seagal. What the hell are you talking about?"

Blood was pouring from Seagal's mouth, dismembered leg, and the hole in his stomach. "This was just Phase One of a multi-part coordinated attack on the United States. But you'll find out for yourself soon enough."

Jack walked over to Seagal. "I'm gonna rip your damn head off."

And that's exactly what he did. Jack ripped off Steven Seagal's head, watched as all the air he had ever breathed returned to the Earth's atmosphere, and then threw his body under the train.

"Virgil," said Jack, putting his finger to his ear. "We've got to stop this train."

"You're Jack Bauer," replied Virgil. "Can't you just stand in front of it and stop it dead in it's tracks?"

"Good thing I thought of it," said Jack. "But you've got to get me in front of it."

"I'm on it."

Jack made his way to the previous car and ripped the entire wall off. Spotting Virgil in the distance he waved him down. "Get closer!"

Virgil maneuvered the car near the train once more, and when it was close enough, Jack jumped leapt from the train and landed on the roof of the SUV.

"Get me in front of the train!"

"Hang on!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Sorry," said Virgil.

"I was just messing with you, kid," stated Jack. "But seriously though, don't tell me what to do."

Virgil drove the vehicle as fast as it could go and pulled directly in front of the speeding train.

"Here we go!" yelled Jack.

Thrusting himself from the roof of the tactical vehicle, Jack leaped into the air and landed on the tracks, right in the path of the train. The locomotive hit Jack dead on, and the result was the equivalent of throwing a glass bottle at a wall. The train literally shattered into pieces upon impact.

Virgil turned the vehicle around and drove over to Jack. "Holy crap, Jack. That was awesome."

"Yes," replied Jack. "I am."

"What about the bio-weapons though? Won't they leak?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Because I say so, Virgil, now move over."

They were back on the road in no time. "We've gotta warn CTU about this so-called coordinated attack Seagal was talking about. If it's true, then we've got a serious problem on our hands."

"Just another day in the life of Jack Bauer, huh?" asked Virgil.

"Damn right. Damn right."

**11:59:57**

**11:59:58**

**11:59:59**

**12:00:00**

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**Author's Note:**

A little more action in this chapter, and our first glimpse of a new threat on the horizon. Will Jack be able to stop this threat and defeat Chuck Norris? Stupid question, of course he will. I'll try to update soon. Tell me what you think, thanks.


	3. 12:00 PM To 1:00 PM

**X  
**

**THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 P.M. AND 1:00 P.M.**

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**Washington D.C.**

Weaving in and out of traffic, Jack drove the Suburban across the border into the nation's capital, while Virgil dialed up Chloe.

"Chloe, it's Virgil. Here's Jack."

Jack took the phone and placed it to his ear. "Chloe, something's come up."

"What is, Jack?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "I'm kinda busy here."

"Remember who you're talking to, bitch," replied Jack.

"I. . .I'm sorry. What's going on?"

"Less than half an hour ago a group of Somalian terrorists hijacked an armored train carrying large amounts of biological weapons with the intent to use them against the United States," explained Jack.

"What!" exclaimed Chloe. "I need to inform the White House!"

"No need," declared Jack. "I burst onto the scene and ended their little tea party before they could put their plans into motion. Here's where it gets weird, so stay with me." Jack glanced over at Virgil before continuing. "The terrorist leader was Steven Seagal."

"The actor?"

"If he can be called that. Anyway, just before I third-worlded his ass and sent him to the next dimension, he mentioned something about two more attacks against America that are supposed to take place today."

"Jack, it's Bill," spoke another voice.

Virgil was surprised, but not Jack. "Bill, it's good to hear your voice."

"Same here, Jack," admitted Bill.

"You're damn right it is."

Bill cleared his throat before continuing. "Jack, I've got everyone here focused on Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris. But if what you're saying about these attacks is true then I'm gonna need to re-task some of them to look into it."

Jack thought for a moment. "Keep everyone where they are, Bill. Chloe, you're with me and Virgil on this one. See what you can find out and keep us posted."

"Will do," answered Chloe.

"We'll be in touch, Jack," added Bill.

Jack hung up and turned to Virgil. "I could go for some food right now. You hungry? There's no telling how long it'll be before we get another chance to eat."

"But you're Jack Bauer," Virgil pointed out. "You don't get hungry."

"Did I say I was hungry? No, I said I could go for some food right now. I don't get hungry, I just eat whenever I want to taste something delicious."

Virgil nodded his understanding "Well, now that you mention it, I didn't have any breakfast this morning."

"Alright then," said Jack. "Food it is."

Virgil diverted his attention to towards the city. "Always wanted to see Washington D.C. I don't travel much. Last time I left Miami was when I was five. We moved to Georgia for a few years then we moved right back to Miami."

"Don't worry about it kid," said Jack. "Traveling isn't all that it's hyped up to be. I moved around a lot after Day 6, and believe me, there's nothing special about it."

"But that's different. You were constantly avoiding the authorities, so you were forced to move around and hide a lot."

Jack slammed on the breaks hard, jerking Virgil forward violently. "First off, I'm trying to impart knowledge unto you and teach a lesson here, so if I say traveling's nothing special then it's nothing special. And second, I don't avoid or hide from anyone. It's people who avoid and hide from me."

"Right, of course," said Virgil, apologetically. "Sorry, Jack."

Jack gave him a stern look. "Sorry my ass. The reason I brought you along with me,Virgil, is because I thought you were well-versed in my mythology. But I'm starting to think I was mistaken, and I'm never mistaken. I can't be rolling with someone who doesn't know the laws of J.B., so I need to know right now whether or not this is going to be a problem."

"Jack, when I ask you these questions, it's not because I don't know the answers to them. It's a plot device that the author uses to make things clear to the audience in a humorous manner. For example, Jack, how did you get addicted to Heroine?"

"I didn't," responded Jack, instantly. "Heroine was addicted to me."

Virgil grinned. "See, by asking you these questions I allow you to inform the audience of your greatness, but not in a way where you would just be blurting out random facts."

Jack grunted. "I know about the plot device, Virgil. I created it. . .along with everything else."

Virgil chuckled. "You got it, Jack."

After a few more minutes of driving, Jack said, "Here we are," and turned into the parking lot of a two-story McDonalds. Moments later they were making their way towards the fast-food restaurant.

"Yes," stated Jack. "I don't know how long it's been since I've eaten breakfast here. This one's been long overdue."

"Uh, Jack? I think it's a little too la-. . .nevermind."

The two of them entered the McDonalds and got in line.

"Order whatever you want, kid," said Jack. "It's on me."

"Thanks, Jack," said Virgil.

"Good afternoon, welcome to McDonalds," said the employee at the register. "Can I take your order?"

"Yeah," answered Jack. "Give me the sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle value meal."

The employee shook his head. "We don't serve that at this time."

Jack seemed genuinely puzzled by the young man's statement. "I'm in a pretty good mood today, so I'll let that one slide. Besides, I wasn't really feeling that anyway. Give me the bacon, egg, and cheese McMuffin instead."

The employee rolled his eyes. "Sir, we don't serve breakfast after 10:30. Everybody knows that."

Jack glared at the employee. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

A hint of uncomfortableness enveloped the employee as he looked around nervously. "I. . .dont. . ."

"Hey, jackass," declared Virgil, suddenly. "I'll tell you something else everybody knows. This is Jack Bauer, and he can get McDonald's breakfast at any time of the day."

Jack nodded. "What he said."

Before more could be said, the restaurant manager rushed up from behind the employee and stabbed him repeatedly with a butcher knife. No one in the restaurant seemed to notice or care, however.

"Forgive him Mr. Bauer," pleaded the manager. "Eddie was an ignorant fool who shamed this restaurant by not serving you what you wanted. I apologize."

"I'm still puzzled by the fact that he had no knowledge of me and my greatness," said Jack. "Normally every living being on this planet has that information imbued into them the moment they're born. You should have trained him correctly, but you didn't."

"Have mercy!" begged the manager.

"You've failed me for the last time."

"What! I've neve-

The sentence was never completed, however, because a second later the manager was gone.

Virgil looked left and right before speaking. "Where'd he go?"

Jack just stood there smiling. "I transported him and his family into the center of the Sun."

Virgil nodded. "Of course, the punishment should fit the crime."

An explosion from outside disrupted their conversation.

"Son of a bitch," uttered Jack. "What now?"

Rushing out of the restaurant, Jack and Virgil made their way into the crowded streets of Washington D.C. Two men were evading the police, running at full speed through oncoming traffic. Jack sprang into action quickly. Forcing Virgil back into the tactical vehicle, he floored the accelerator in pursuit of the two men.

"Who do you think they are?"

Jack sniffed the air multiple times, contemplated something for a moment, then said, "Escaped convicts," without ever taking his eyes off the road. "Hang on." Jack made a sharp left turn into a back alley, cutting the two mens' path off. Sticking his head out the window, he yelled, "Get in!"

The two men exchanged looks of puzzlement, but jumped into the backseat nonetheless.

Jack gunned the engine once more and lost the pursuing police with ease. Looking into the rear-view mirror he said," Who are you and why are you on the run from the police?"

"My name is Michael Scofield," said the shorter of the two. "This is my brother, Lincoln Burrows. Less than two months ago my brother was framed for murder and was given the death sentence. I had to get him out, so I tattooed the schematics of the prison he was being held in all over my body, robbed a bank, and purposely got myself arrested and thrown into the same prison Lincoln was being held in. It took us some time, but we managed to break out, and now we're on the run."

"Wow," said Virgil. "How long did it take you?"

"Just short of one month," answered Michael. "Pretty impressive, huh?"

"Not really," replied Jack. "One time I entered a federal prison, instigated a prison riot, and then broke myself and a convicted terrorist out alive and unharmed, and I did it all in less than an hour."

Michael and Lincoln exchanged looks of disbelief.

"Yeah, your show pales in comparison to mine." Jack made a sharp left before continuing. "What are you doing in D.C.?"

"We have information that proves Lincoln is innocent," explained Michael. "They framed him because he learned that there was going to be an attack on the President."

This caught Jack's attention. "When?"

"Today," answered Lincoln."We came here to try and prevent it."

Virgil's eyes widened. "Oh my God."

Jack was already dialing his cellphone. "Chloe, contact the White House. Tell them that there's going to be an attempt on President Palmer's life."

"Uh, Jack?" she asked. "Don't you mean President Taylor?"

"Who?"

"President Allison Taylor, Jack," stated Chloe.

"Listen, Chloe. I only acknowledge the existence of one President, and that's David Palmer. So as far as I'm concerned, David Palmer did not die on Day 5 and has remained President of the United States of America to this day, despite the fact that his term should have ended years ago."

"But Jack," said Chloe, "David Palmer wasn't even the President on Day 5. Charles Logan was. Palmer withdrew from the race after Day 3."

"Chloe, you're not making any sense," said Jack. "Just do what I asked you to and get back to me."

Virgil turned around to face Lincoln and Michael. "When exactly is this attack supposed to take place?"

"1:00 p.m.," answered Michael.

"Of course it is," muttered Jack to himself. "Hang on."

Jack floored the accelerator and navigated the vehicle through traffic. Five minutes later they were on Pennsylvania Avenue. Jack drove up to the main gate of the White House and rolled his window down.

"I need to speak to the President," Jack told the guard in the gatehouse.

"Yeah, you and everyone else, pal," replied the gate guard.

Jack was about to rip the man's brain out through his belly-button when an explosion from behind them caught their attention.

"What the hell?" muttered Virgil as three armored tanks emerged from the smoke.

Men in red and yellow uniforms wielding AK-47s flanked the three armored vehicles. They were firing at anyone in the immediate area. People were screaming and running left and right through the streets as the tanks crushed any vehicle standing in their way. The small army was moving directly towards the White House, and Jack, Virgil, Lincoln, and Michael were right in its path.

"Son of a bitch," muttered Jack.

"We're too late!" exclaimed Lincoln. "They're already here!"

Jack slapped him in the face. "Not if I have anything to say about it." At that moment, Jack's cellphone rang. "Yeah."

"Jack," said Bill. "Chloe just confirmed it. Apparently a group of soldiers from the Democratic Republic of the Congo have have joined forces in an attempt to destroy the White House and kill President Palmer."

Jack was seething. "Somebody wanna explain me how the hell all these Third-World countries keep amassing armies on U.S. soil?"

"We're looking into it, Jack," said Bill. "We believe it might be linked to the attack Steven Seagal mentioned. In the meantime, you're gonna have to protect the President."

Jack nodded to himself. "I'm on it." Hanging up, he turned to the others. "Get ready. Things are about to get ugly."

**12:59:57**

**12:59:58**

**12:59:59**

**01:00:00**

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**Author's Note:**

I'm waiting to see what you guys think so far before I update again. Please, if you're reading this story, leave your thoughts and comments in a review. I really want to make this something, but if I see that it's not garnering any attention, I'll just scrap it altogether. Thanks, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.


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